In a heartbeat (Heartbeat #1) Read online

  In a Heartbeat

  a novel by

  Teodora Kostova

  Copyright@ Teodora Kostova 2013.

  All right reserved. No reproduction, copy or transmission of this publication may be made without written permission of the author. No paragraph of this publication may be reproduced, copied or transmitted without the written permission of the author.

  Edited by Patrick Roberts at The Cat’s Whiskers

  Cover art by Nataliya Kostova

  This is a work of fiction. Names, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously.

  "To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist, that's all."

  Oscar Wilde

  Prologue

  “No, Eric, it hasn’t started yet! Kick-off is in half an hour – you know that.” Stella rolled her eyes, even though her brother couldn’t see her over the phone. The football maniac that he was, he had gone to an earlier game with their dad and uncle and now they were speeding back to the house because his beloved Liverpool would kick off against Man U in twenty-five minutes.

  “OK, I’ll see you in a bit. Bye.”

  She hung up and smiled. Even though her brother was four years older than her, he never looked down on her as his baby sister. Eric always took her out with him – when her age permitted, of course. At fourteen she still wasn’t allowed at one of his mates’ parties, but he gladly took her along when they went to football games, concerts, bowling or just hung out.

  Stella didn’t have many friends of her own. Girls her age were boring – talking about boys, make-up and clothes all the time. None of those featured on Stella’s own interest list. She’d much rather hang out with Eric’s friends, who took her in as one of their own. The only girl she got along with was her cousin Lisa. Stella would have loved to spend the afternoon with her but, uncharacteristically, Lisa had declined the offer, saying she had a lot of homework to do. Stella had suspected that there was a boy involved somewhere in all that homework, but had decided against pressing her cousin for answers. Lisa would tell her when she was ready. What Stella hoped and prayed for was that her cousin wouldn’t turn into one of those annoying girls who drew hearts in their notebooks with a dreamy expression on their face.

  Laughter echoed in the hall as her mum and aunt walked through the front door. They’d taken advantage of the boys being at the stadium and had had a girls’ day at the mall. Stella had politely declined going with them, because getting her nails done and walking around the shops for hours on end wasn’t her idea of a good time. She had also declined going with Eric and her dad to the Fulham vs Charlton game, because they’d only had three tickets and she’d known her uncle Gordon would have loved to go himself. She’d been right – his face had lit up when she’d offered him the ticket.

  Having the house to herself, she had curled up with a book and a cup of hot chocolate and time had flown by.

  “Hey, sweetheart. What are you doing?” Her mum’s signature scent filled the living room as she walked in carrying a ton of bags, with Aunt Niki right behind her with her own set of bags in both hands.

  “Hi, Mum. Nothing much. Just reading.”

  “Aren’t the boys home yet?”

  “Nope. Eric just called. They’re on the way.”

  “Good. Come on, Nik, let’s put those upstairs before Bradley comes home and has a heart attack.”

  “What about me, Helen? Where am I supposed to hide mine from Gordon?”

  “Let’s put everything in the closet; we’ll smuggle them out later while they watch the game.”

  Their giggles followed them up the stairs and soon Stella heard her mum’s bedroom door slam shut.

  Nicole Elliott, aka Niki, had been her mum’s best friend ever since they had met at a medical convention in Milan more than twenty years ago. When Niki had met Gordon, she had introduced Helen to his brother Bradley and it had been love at first sight. The four of them had been inseparable since then.

  The Elliotts lived just down the street and they spent almost every night together. They were one big family, ready to support and care for each other through thick and thin.

  Not many people are that lucky, Stella thought.

  Her mum had not only found a lifelong friend in Niki, but they had built their lives together and were closer than sisters.

  Stella looked at her watch; it was five o’clock. The match would start at any moment, so she switched on the TV. If Eric wasn’t home in thirty seconds, he would miss kick-off and she wouldn’t hear the end of it for days. Rolling her eyes again, she left her book on the coffee table and went to the window to check whether the car was pulling up in the driveway. Nope. No car. No Eric.

  The landline’s ring startled her. Nobody called on the landline anymore. Maybe her network signal was down and Eric was freaking out about being late. Sighing, she went to pick it up, expecting to hear her brother’s panicked voice. However, she didn’t recognise the number that blinked on the screen.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, is that Mrs Quinn?” asked a polite female voice.

  “No, it’s Ms Quinn, her daughter.”

  “Ms Quinn, find your mother immediately.” The voice was calm yet insistent.

  Stella’s internal warning bells started ringing so loudly that she barely heard the next words that travelled down the line. “There’s been an accident. Your mother needs to come to St George’s hospital right away.”

  And just like that, in a heartbeat, their lives changed forever.

  *

  Two months later

  “Please don’t do this, Niki. Please.” Helen’s pleading voice felt as if someone was slicing right through Stella’s heart.

  “I’m sorry, but I can’t be here anymore. I’m so sorry, Helen, but I just can’t. We’re leaving in a week.”

  Niki breathed in deeply, her own voice quivering. They were standing in the middle of the living room, two feet separating them, and yet it seemed as though there were entire countries between them.

  Soon, there will be, Stella thought.

  After her dad, uncle and Eric had died in that car crash two months ago, nothing had been the same. Niki had completely lost it. She and Lisa had moved into a hotel and sold everything they owned – the house, the car, furniture, clothes. Despite Helen’s best efforts to get through to her friend, Niki had completely shut her out. She didn’t even talk to her anymore. This meeting between them was the first in weeks, and she’d only come to say goodbye in person.

  She and Lisa were moving to Italy. Niki had loved that country ever since she had spent a year studying in University of Genoa as an exchange student. Lisa had been forced to study Italian from an early age and, so as not to be left behind, Stella had joined in her cousin’s private lessons. So, without any language barrier and with some close friends of Niki’s waiting for them, it was the perfect place to go and try to rebuild their lives.

  Sitting on the top step of the stairs so that her mum couldn’t see her, Stella wiped away her tears and tried to feel happy for them. They were going to be OK. After everything they’d all been through, it was somehow soothing to think that at least two of them were going to be fine.

  Niki left without hugging Helen. She didn’t even squeeze her hand or something. Anything. Her mum managed to keep it together until her best friend walked out of the door, but the moment she heard the soft sound of the lock latching back in place, she collapsed back on the sofa and started crying. Her sobs were so huge and so many that she couldn’t breathe.

  Stella raced down the stairs and embraced her mum’s fragile body with her skinny arms.

  “Ssshh, it’s OK, Mum; you still have me.
We can get through this.”

  An even louder sob escaped Helen’s lips.

  “Do you hear me? We can do this.”

  Stella wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince her mum or herself, but it didn’t matter. It was just the two of them now.

  *

  A week later

  Stella wasn’t ready to see Niki. Not yet. Even though she understood the reasons behind her decision and wished her well, Niki wasn’t the only one who had lost someone she loved. Her mum had lost her husband and her son – and now she had lost her best friend as well. Stella knew that Helen would be OK in time; her mum was a strong person and never ran away from her responsibilities or her problems. Her daughter was the only thing she had left to live for now, and Stella was damn sure that she’d be strong for her.

  They were going to be OK.

  Stella was sure that someday she’d be able to forgive Niki for leaving her best friend at the worst time of her life – but not yet.

  However, she would miss her own best friend like crazy.

  “Hi,” Stella said as Lisa opened the door. Her cousin smiled sadly and moved away from the threshold, inviting her in. The two girls embraced as the door closed behind them and stayed like that for a long time.

  *

  Four years later

  “I’m so sorry,” the doctor said, from behind his rimless glasses.

  Tears spilled from Helen’s eyes as she looked at her daughter. Stella had only one thing on her mind – what had her mother done that was so bad that her husband and her son were killed, and now her daughter was diagnosed with liver cancer? Why was she being punished in such a cruel way? Helen Quinn was the most compassionate, caring, loving, honest, responsible person on Earth. As a GP, she helped people every single day; as a mother she loved and supported her only remaining child in everything she did and had helped them both to get their lives back on track.

  Until today, they could almost have said that their lives were good. They had accepted and dealt with the aftermath of the accident and felt almost normal. Stella had finished secondary school and had been looking forward to her gap year and to choosing a college after that. Helen had started smiling again, even though there was a constant shadow behind her blue eyes. They had gone out to dinners, to friends’ houses, to the cinema, to ‘girly’ weekends away.

  A week ago they had found out that the drunk driver who had smashed into her father’s car and killed three people was out of prison. His verdict was a joke to begin with, but this was ridiculous – he had been given a £2000 fine and eight years in prison, but had served only four. Apparently, that was how much three people’s lives were worth – £2000 and four years in a luxurious prison with TV, a games console and a mobile phone within arm’s reach.

  After hearing about the driver’s early release, Helen had locked herself in her bedroom and had cried for hours. Stella, on the other hand, was blinded by rage. She had done something she was not proud of and now she was being punished for her decision.

  “There is some good news, however.” The doctor’s warm voice dragged Stella away from her dark thoughts. “Thankfully, we’ve found the cancer at a very early stage – which means that, if we operate right away and follow up with a course of chemotherapy, you have a good chance of a positive outcome, young lady. If we can remove all of it, there’s a good chance it won’t spread to any other organs.”

  *

  Ten months later

  “Happy birthday, sweetheart!” Her mother hugged her so fiercely that she almost yanked Stella’s IV drip from her vein. Helen had brought a giant balloon, which floated behind her and took up almost the entire room.

  “Thanks, Mum. And by the way, I’m nineteen, not six.” She looked pointedly at the foil birthday-cake-shaped balloon.

  “I don’t care.” Helen kissed her cheek and handed her the balloon’s string, fully expecting Stella to not only accept it, but be happy about it. The whole situation was so ridiculous that Stella couldn’t help but laugh – she was in a hospital room recovering from her second liver surgery, while her mother brought in balloons to celebrate her nineteenth birthday. A weaker person might get depressed by the whole situation, but not Stella. She always tried to find the positive lurking behind all the crap. In this case, she had her mother with her; she was still alive despite having had two surgeries in the past year; and, most importantly, she had a plan for the next few months. A plan that she had shared only with Lisa.

  Now, all Stella had to do was break the news to her mum.

  “Listen, Mum – I need to talk to you about something.” Helen creased her eyebrows in a worried line.

  “It’s nothing bad, I promise. It’s quite good, actually.” She smiled and her mother relaxed and followed suit. Gathering all her courage, Stella blurted out her plan in a single breath: “I want to spend the summer in Genoa with Lisa.”

  Helen recoiled as if hit with a baseball bat. Not the reaction Stella had wanted to see, but one she had fully expected.

  “Before you disagree, let me try to convince you, OK?”

  Helen nodded without saying a word and Stella took advantage of her mum’s momentary shock. “I’ve been in and out of hospitals for the past ten months. I’ve had half my liver removed and even though this time the doctors are very optimistic that they’ve removed all the tumours, they can’t be sure. In another three months they want me here again for a check-up and, if the cancer is back ...”

  Stella’s voice shook and she paused to collect herself. “There’s a good chance I might end up on the donor list.”

  Stella bit her lips and gave her mum an opportunity to say something, even though none of that information was new to either of them. When Helen didn’t speak, Stella continued:

  “Right now I feel better than I’ve felt in months. I know the damn thing is gone, at least for the moment. Despite that, I can’t make any plans for the future: not yet. I need to go somewhere where nobody knows me, where I can relax and maybe even forget about all this for a while.”

  She gestured around her and felt a tear roll down her cheek.

  Shit, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

  “Somewhere I can meet people who don’t think of me as the girl who has lost her father and her brother and who now has cancer. I want to have fun, even if it’s just for a couple of months.”

  At some point Helen had started crying as well, making Stella feel incredibly bad. They both knew everything she had said was true, but upsetting her mother was like stabbing her own chest with a kitchen knife.

  “OK,” said Helen and even managed a smile as she squeezed her daughter’s hand.

  “OK? That’s it? After that speech?” They both laughed through their tears as Stella embraced her mum in a long hug.

  “Everything you said is true, honey,” her mum began as they separated. “And I think it’s a really good idea. I know you’ve wanted to go for a long time, but didn’t ask because you thought I’d get upset.” Stella opened her mouth to protest, but Helen raised her palm to cut her off. “Don’t try to deny it. You’ve been mad at Niki almost as much as I have. What she did wasn’t fair – not only to me, but to you and Lisa. I know you wanted to forgive her and visit Lisa, but you felt as though you’d betray me somehow.”

  How did she know exactly how I felt? Stella thought and her eyes must have reflected her question, because Helen continued:

  “I always know how you feel, sweetheart. You’re so strong and so responsible. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know if I could have ...”

  “Don’t, Mum – please. Don’t go there.” Helen closed her eyes to get a grip of herself before she spoke,

  “You have to forgive Niki. I have; a long time ago. That was her way of dealing with her tragedy, just as staying in my house and rebuilding my life for both of us was my way.”

  “Why haven’t you talked to her, then?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not ready yet, I guess. And I don’t know where her head’s at. I’m af
raid of reaching up to her and getting shot down. I’m afraid that I’m a very painful reminder of her past, and maybe she doesn’t want to be reminded at all.”

  Stella nodded, completely understanding where Helen was coming from. It was a huge relief to find out her mum had forgiven Niki; holding a grudge against someone was a huge burden and Helen didn’t need any extra weight pressing on her heart right now.

  “Anyway, about your trip: I think it’s a wonderful idea. As long as Niki’s on board with it, of course. You have to ask her. If she’s OK with it – so am I.”

  “Are you sure? Are you going to be OK here by yourself?”

  “I think I will be. I think we need some time apart, honey. Don’t take this the wrong way, but we’ve been each other’s support system for so long that maybe it’s time to find out if we can walk on our own, so to speak.”

  Chapter One

  St Pancras railway station smelled of fresh pastry and coffee, and Helen’s signature sweet-citrus scent. Right now, the latter overwhelmed everything else, because Stella’s mother was hugging her so fiercely she found it hard to breathe. Stella longed for a sip of the mocha she’d been holding for the past fifteen minutes, but she didn’t want to push her mother away. They hadn’t been apart for even a single day for the past five years, and it was natural that Helen was finding it difficult to let her daughter go.

  “Are you positive that’s what you need, honey?” Helen asked, as she released her from the embrace.

  “Yes, Mum, I am.” Stella tried to stay calm and not point out that she had already answered that question three times in the last twenty minutes.

  “You can still change your mind about the travel arrangements. It’s so much easier to get a flight ...”