In a heartbeat (Heartbeat #1) Read online

  The wine had been flowing and by the end of dinner they had all had a couple of glasses. Stella had stuck to San Pellegrino aranciata and nobody had given her a hard time about it – they must have been getting used to her non-alcoholic existence.

  Max had sat as far away from her as possible. He’d talked, smiled and eaten his food, but he’d never engaged in conversation with her or even looked at her. It had bugged her. Not only because she craved his attention like oxygen, but also because he had turned a one-eighty in a matter of minutes. First he had greeted her as though he wanted to jump her bones right there on the street, and then he had completely ignored her.

  Thank God for the loud music in here!

  Stella was so sick of over-thinking everything. She just wanted to stop thinking altogether and let loose. There was something about loud music and dim light that made people forget their problems and inhibitions – and that was exactly what she intended to do.

  Lisa tugged on her hand and mouthed ‘Come on’ as she led her to the crowded dance floor, where Gia was already swaying rhythmically to the music. It was some kind of house mix, which was not what Stella would usually listen to, but for the night it was perfect. A few minutes later she had completely lost herself in dancing – the loud, monotonous music echoing through her body.

  She felt Lisa’s hand on her upper arm and turned to face her cousin. There was no chance to hear what she wanted to say, so they resorted to gestures and lots of lip reading. She pointed towards their table and made a drinking motion with her hand and mouth. Stella nodded and they headed back to the table.

  As they approached, they noticed that it wasn’t just Max and Beppe sitting there anymore. There was a pack of five more people – three girls and two guys – who were seated comfortably at their table and trying to talk to each other. It involved a lot of leaning and ear shouting, as well as animated gestures. It was quite funny to watch. Until Stella’s eyes fixed on a girl who was sitting so close to Max she was practically in his lap. They took turns to shout in each other’s ears, followed by smiling and nodding.

  There was nothing funny about that.

  Jealousy overcame Stella and drowned all other feelings and sounds. She wanted to go there, pull the bitch by the hair and drag her away. But she wasn’t going to do that. If she had learned anything in this life it was that careful calculation and smart action always won over blind anger.

  She followed Lisa to the table and saw an unopened bottle of San Pellegrino aranciata. It must be for her, as everyone else was drinking cocktails and besides, it had been her drink of choice in the restaurant. It was too noisy to even try and ask someone if it was for her so she took it, unscrewed the cap and gulped half the bottle in one go. The cold liquid spread inside her body and it felt incredibly good against the heat in the club.

  As she lowered her head and removed the bottle from her lips, she noticed Max watching her. His lady friend was saying something in his ear and he looked pleased. Way too pleased. Stella raised her bottle at him in a silent ‘Cheers’ and he mimicked her with his glass. The girl who had been so enthusiastic about her conversation with him a few seconds ago had pulled away from his ear, and now was watching him as if expecting a reply. He didn’t even realise she had stopped talking. Max had fixed Stella with his intense stare and she couldn’t make herself look away, even though she desperately wanted to. The girl frowned and pouted and looked between him and Stella, her frown deepening.

  Just then, Beppe appeared at Stella’s side and, tugging on her hand, led her a few feet away. He placed her in front of a guy and left. This was probably the only method of introduction she was going to get in such a noisy environment. The guy leaned into her and said,

  “Hi, I’m Ricardo,” in Italian. “You can call me Rico.” Even over the loud music, Stella could hear the ‘r’ rolling off his tongue.

  “Stella,” she said, as she leaned into him in return. He smelled good and didn’t look so bad either. Not that she could see clearly in the dim light, but what she saw she approved of – he was tall, dressed nicely in dark designer jeans and a shirt, and had baby blue eyes that were noticeable even in the dark.

  “Want to dance?” he asked, leaning in, but didn’t back away immediately. He lingered next to her ear a bit longer than necessary and Stella wasn’t sure how she felt about that. He seemed nice enough and he looked handsome but ...

  But he’s not Max. He doesn’t make my insides turn to mush with a single look.

  Thinking about Max made her turn her head in his direction instinctively and she saw that he wasn’t paying any attention to her or her companion. Max had resumed his conversation with the girl and it looked as things were progressing nicely for him, because his hand was on her bare thigh and she was clearly enjoying that.

  If Stella was a cartoon character, her ears would be releasing steam right now because she was boiling with anger on the inside. The solution, however, stood right in front of her. She smiled sweetly at Rico and let him lead her to the dance floor.

  This was good. She would dance and not think about stuff. She would enjoy this nice guy’s company and forget about Max and Miss Slutty. As if reading her thoughts, Rico circled her waist with his hands and they moved together to the rhythm. There was almost no gap between their bodies as they danced and soon Stella started to enjoy it. Rico was a good dancer – effortless and very rhythmic. He spun her around and, gluing himself to her back, placed his hands on her hips.

  They danced like that for what seemed like hours – constantly changing positions and not speaking a single word. Stella wanted to drift her thoughts away from Max and she did – dancing with Rico felt right. Nice. She let go of all conscious thoughts and all she had left to feel was Rico’s body next to hers and the beat of the music.

  *

  Max couldn’t believe his eyes when Beppe dragged Stella away to meet Rico. Girls loved Ricardo. He was charming, handsome, well behaved and easy-going. He was never known to have had a girlfriend for more than a fortnight. And still they loved him because, rumour had it, he knew how to show them a good time.

  Wasn’t that what Stella was after? No-strings-attached fun? Rico was perfect for her, then.

  I’m going to kill that idiot Beppe.

  His friend knew all too well that Max wanted Stella for himself. They’d never discussed it per se, but Beppe could always read him like an open book. Ever since they were kids there was nothing Max could sneak behind his back, because Beppe had always been two steps ahead. He just knew him too well.

  Rico led Stella away to the dance floor and they started moving to the beat. In no time he was all over her – spinning her around, touching her shoulders, waist, arms and neck. The worst part was that she seemed to enjoy it. She would move away if she didn’t, right?

  Max was jealous. For the first time in his life he felt such overwhelming jealousy that it consumed all his rational thoughts. He wanted to pull Rico away from Stella and punch him until the guy needed facial reconstruction.

  But he didn’t. Instead, he led Antonia to the dance floor and, to her delight, wrapped his arms around her.

  Two could play that game.

  Only, he wasn’t sure what the game was exactly. Or even if it was a game.

  *

  Stella was abruptly brought back to reality as Rico swept her hair in front of her left shoulder and placed a soft kiss on the back of her neck. It wasn’t unpleasant, not at all. She even tried to like it. She could feel exactly how much he liked it.

  Unfortunately, as her eyes refocused on the reality around her, the first thing she saw was Max dancing with that girl. His body moved so gracefully, utterly at home on the dance floor. It was hypnotising. Stella couldn’t look away.

  She felt another kiss on her neck; this time there was even a little tongue. Her brain started to scream at her to get away, but she was mesmerised by Max and the way he moved. She wished his body was the one behind her and his lips were the ones kissing her. The thought of
it sent shivers down her spine despite the heat, and she saw goose bumps appearing on her arms.

  And then her whole world crumbled to the ground.

  The girl Max was dancing with wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him for a kiss. He gave in. He kissed her back.

  Stella felt as if she was about to faint and excusing herself, left Rico alone on the dance floor and headed back to their table. She needed to get out of here. Now.

  *

  When Max saw Rico kiss Stella on the back of her neck, rage boiled his blood and his fists ached to hit something, preferably Rico’s face. He wanted to rip out the bastard’s tongue and feed it back to him. Anger he hadn’t felt for a long time overtook him, and he felt his muscles tense and get ready for a fight.

  He was taken completely by surprise when Antonia kissed him. The touch of her lips brought him back to reality. Slowly, his body eased and he was able to form some reasonable thoughts. Stella wasn’t his. She could kiss whoever she liked. He shouldn’t be jealous and he most definitely shouldn’t pounce on anyone who got close to her.

  Max let himself go and got lost in Antonia’s kiss. He went along with it for a while, because what he really needed right now was to like it. He wanted to feel something for Antonia, even if it was even a fraction of the lust he felt for Stella. He needed to get her out of his head and Antonia seemed like the perfect person to do it.

  However, it didn’t work out. The girl was smart; she pulled away as soon as she felt nothing from him but mechanical moving of his lips and tongue. Smiling at him with a mixture of realisation and regret, she turned on her heel and left him alone on the dance floor.

  He looked around, but Stella was gone.

  Chapter Six

  Stella didn’t sleep well that night. Her emotions were all over the place and every time she closed her eyes, she saw Max kissing that girl.

  At 6 a.m. she couldn’t take it anymore and got up. She did the only thing that would help clear her mind – she put on her running clothes and shoes and headed for the beach. It was still chilly outside and Stella enjoyed the cool, refreshing air and the quiet of the streets. The whole city was still sleeping. When she got to the beach, the sun was just above the horizon and the water was peacefully moving and creating little waves, as if it too was still sleepy.

  Stella stretched for a few minutes before starting a slow jog. A flashback of the last time she had run made its way to her frontal lobe. There was no way she would ever run again without thinking about Max. However, she couldn’t afford to not run, so effectively her work-out was ruined, because even if she didn’t want to think about him, she would.

  Last night had been a revelation. Max was attracted to her, true. But he was also a guy who wouldn’t intentionally do anything to let his friends down. So, he was moving on.

  Stella was glad. Kind of. Well, she wasn’t glad at all and was jealous out of her mind, but she also realised that was how it should be. That was for the best. Now they could look beyond their attraction to each other and hang out. Be friends.

  How many times had she used that word in the past couple of days? And to what effect? She had never done anything to try and get to know Max better, had she? All she had done was crave his touch like air, think about what his lips would taste like and relish the way he drank her in with those mesmerising eyes. Not very friendly. Had she ever asked him anything? Made an effort to find out more about him? No. Well, it was time to correct that mistake. Now that he had moved on and started kissing girls in clubs right in front of her, there was no danger of them stepping over the friend line. She was going to ask him out to dinner tonight and actually have a conversation.

  Stella was so deep in thought that she didn’t notice how far she had run. Her lungs were burning, her legs felt like jelly and she could feel pain beginning to form in her injured foot. It had been OK yesterday, even after spending the evening in heels, but now the wound was starting to throb with pain. She eased her pace and in a few minutes slowed down to a walk. Taking her bottle of water out of her bumbag, she drank half of it and sat down on the sand to stretch. If anything, she was walking back. No more running for her today.

  Stella spread her legs apart as far as they would go and brought her whole upper body forward until her chest was touching the sand. The stretch felt amazing! She could stay like this forever ...

  “Ciao,” someone said, right in front of her, and made her sit upright abruptly. “You’re quite the early bird, aren’t you?” Max said, a wicked smile on his lips. Again he was wearing only shorts, and his chest was glowing with sweat from his own run.

  “I didn’t sleep well last night and wanted to clear my head. I don’t usually run that early,” said Stella, eyeing the tattoo on his hip up close. The part she could see was ‘Life’s a’ and the rest was hidden under his shorts.

  “Me too.” He got his own bottle of water out and drank a few sips.

  This was getting very awkward. Maybe the genius resolution Stella had thought of wasn’t so genius after all. She couldn’t even look at him without picturing him with that girl and her jealousy crept very close to the surface.

  “I should get back,” she got on her feet and turned to leave.

  Max grabbed her upper arm and spun her around.

  “Stella, wait.” She looked at his hand holding her and frowned. He released her immediately, but his stare glued her in place. “Why did you leave so suddenly last night? One minute you were there dancing, and the next you were gone.”

  “I’m surprised you noticed. You seemed preoccupied.”

  Damn it!

  Why did she have to say that? He owed her nothing. He could make out with every single girl in every single club and it was his business.

  “I wanted to make sure you and Lisa got home safe. You should have come and said you were leaving.”

  “We’re adults, Max. We can make our own way home; we don’t need a knight in shining armour to escort us.”

  Well done. Congrats. Bring out the sarcasm and give in to your jealousy. A perfect way to make a friend!

  “I know. It’s for me. It would make me feel much better if I knew you were home safe.”

  Stella felt like such a bitch. This great guy was standing in front of her, genuinely worried about his friends getting home all right, and she was giving him the evil eye. The look in his eyes made her feel even worse – it was concern mixed with regret and shame. He knew why she had left – it was perfectly clear to both of them. But he shouldn’t be feeling guilty because of her.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry – we should have told you we were leaving.”

  Max nodded and took another sip of his water, watching her. She felt so exposed under his stare, as if he could see everything that was going on in her head.

  “I should really get back ...” she said and began to back away from him.

  “Wait.” He took a few steps towards her before she stopped. Stella knew what he was about to say before he even opened his mouth, and wished she could stop him. She didn’t deserve an apology and she didn’t want him to feel the need to give her one.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Max, you don’t have to ...”

  “No, I do.” He interrupted her and his eyes were pleading with her to listen to him. “I know why you really left like that. And I’m sorry. I did it because I was going insane watching you with Rico.”

  What?

  “I’ve never been so fucking jealous in my entire life, Stella. Five years ago I swore I’d never hit another man again unless it was to defend myself, but last night I wanted to drag that asshole out of the club and beat him to an inch of his life, because he had his hands all over you. And when he kissed your neck ...” Max dragged his hand through his short hair, struggling to find words. “I thought I was going to explode, Stella. If Antonia hadn’t kissed me to distract me, Rico would be in hospital right now.”

  Stella was stunned. She never expected such a confession.

  “I do
n’t know what to say.” She folded her arms around herself because suddenly she felt cold, even though it was getting warmer. Max took a step towards her and she had to tilt her head back to look at him.

  “I don’t want to feel that way again and I don’t know what to do. You don’t want to be with me, but it’s obvious we can’t be just friends.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you. You’re not a guy a girl uses for some summer fun, Max. And I’m leaving in a couple of months. This is not going to end well and you know it. I’m not going to put Lisa in the middle of this – because she will be in the middle, whether we want it or not. You shouldn’t want to put her in that position either; she’s one of your closest friends. Are you ready to ruin your friendship because of some attraction we might have for one another?”

  And also, my cancer might be back.

  “Is Lisa the only reason why you won’t be with me?”

  No.

  “Yes. My mum, Niki and Lisa are the last remaining pieces of my family. I refuse to hurt any of them.”

  He nodded, but it was clear he wasn’t satisfied with the answer.

  “Look, we have to try and behave like normal people. This is not normal, Max. We’re driving each other crazy and we’ve known each other for just a few days. You don’t know anything about me, and vice versa. Maybe we could try and get to know each other better. Maybe the more time we spend with each other, the more likely the attraction will wear off ...”

  “I can’t, Stella. This is all new to me. I’ve never felt that way about a girl, ever. Especially not about a girl who I’ve just met. But I know this – I won’t be able to control myself the next time a guy approaches you. I just can’t.”