In a heartbeat (Heartbeat #1) Read online

  “If you two are finished eye-fucking each other, can one of you get me a drink? And make it a strong one.”

  Max’s sister was quite blunt and Stella liked that. She didn’t seem to care about other people’s lives, but in a good way. Gia was the kind of girl who lived her own life as she saw fit and left everyone else to do the same. Stella thought that it wouldn’t make any difference to her if her brother started dating her, even if she broke his heart in the end.

  Max placed her cocktail in front of her just as Beppe strolled towards them. He zeroed in on Gia and circled her waist with his arm as he approached her stool.

  “Ciao, amore. I’ve been waiting for you.” His tone was playful and he lingered a bit longer than necessary as he kissed her cheek.

  “Yeah, I bet. Is that why you’re sweaty and out of breath? From waiting?” She teased him mercilessly and he loved it.

  “Yeah, I was dancing. But I saw your perfect ass the moment you walked in, dolcissima.” Gia laughed and shook her head, dismissing his compliment.

  “Dude, can you not talk about my sister’s ass right in front of me? It’s gross,” Max complained.

  “Gross? Are you blind?” He lifted Gia up and off the stool effortlessly, spun her around while still holding her waist and pointed at her bottom. “You call that gross? It’s perfection in its purest form, man.” He spun her around again to find her laughing and getting closer to her face added, “Just like the rest of her.”

  Gia continued laughing and, tugging on his arm, led him to the dance floor.

  Somehow Stella didn’t think he was kidding.

  “So what’s the deal with Gia and Beppe?” she asked Max, as he cleaned the counter. It was getting late and most of the crowd around the bar had either headed home or found company on the dance floor.

  “That’s how they are. It’s nothing unusual. They can be quite irritating until you get used to their weird relationship.”

  “It seems to me that he really likes her.”

  “He likes everything with estrogen.” Stella rolled her eyes at that comment but decided not to push it further. “He’s a massive flirt and the women love him. He’s never had a relationship longer than a week and he’s not interested in commitment. My sister knows that and knows that he’s just teasing her. She’d never fall for any of his moves, because she knows him too well.”

  Stella nodded, still not completely convinced that Beppe didn’t like Gia in a completely different way from all the other girls. She’d known him just for a few days and Max had been his friend most of his life. She didn’t have any ground to stand on in her argument, so she just changed the subject.

  “What time do you usually close?”

  Max looked at his watch. “In about an hour.”

  The time flew by between cleaning up behind the bar and serving some final drinks. The dance floor slowly started to empty until Gia and Beppe were the only ones left. Not that they minded. They were having so much fun – the irritated, exhausted Gia that walked in the bar was gone and a glowing, carefree, laughing girl was dancing in her place. Beppe was definitely her kind of medicine.

  “Stella,” Max called. “Here’s your cut of the tips tonight.” He approached her with a handful of notes.

  “I think you might be forgetting that I don’t actually work here, Max.” She didn’t move to take the money. It felt wrong – she had done it to help Max out and had had so much fun doing it. It hadn’t even occurred to her that she’d be getting any money.

  “Trust me: I’m not forgetting anything about tonight.” He grinned and stopped mere inches in front of her. Usually Stella didn’t like her personal space to be so blatantly disrespected, but with Max she didn’t mind. At all.

  “I’m not taking your money, Max.”

  “It’s not my money, it’s yours. We always split the tips between us at the end of the night. You served drinks – you get tips. That’s how the system works in a bar.” He stubbornly held the money out to her and didn’t have any intention of backing down.

  “Fine. But I have a condition.”

  “You have a condition?”

  “Yes. I won’t take this money if you don’t accept.” Two could play the stubborn game.

  “What is it?” Max asked, with a mockingly bored sigh.

  “You go out to dinner with me tomorrow – and it’s on me.” Stella looked at the tips in his hand pointedly.

  “You asking me out?” He raised an eyebrow suggestively and smirked.

  “No – well, yeah, but not on a date. Let’s have dinner and talk. Friends talk, right?”

  “OK.”

  Stella grinned and took the money.

  “Wow, is that how much you usually get in tips?” There were over a hundred euros in her hand, and that was only her cut.

  “No, but I can bet your ‘barely there’ top helped loosen some wallets.”

  “Barely there? It’s a perfectly there top!”

  “Bye, guys; we’re heading out,” said Gia as she came to grab her bag, Beppe in tow. “Stella, do you need a lift?”

  “She’s fine; I’ll take care of her,” said Max, before Stella had a chance to open her mouth.

  “OK – see ya.” They headed for the door, Beppe’s arm draped around Gia’s shoulders.

  Chapter Eight

  When the bar was cleaned and the doors securely locked, Max took Stella’s hand in his as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and led her towards the parking lot at the back.

  “Where are we going?” she asked, because she thought they’d get a cab home.

  “To the car. I’m driving you home.”

  “Oh. OK. I didn’t know you had a car.”

  “Yeah, I just got it back from the garage. They had to fix it after the accident.”

  The word ‘accident’ echoed in Stella’s head and she immediately froze in place. She didn’t like that word. After the car crash that had claimed her dad and Eric’s lives, Stella hadn’t been able to even get in a car for two years. She had fought her phobia with everything she had, realising that she couldn’t spend her life being scared. Imagining Max in a car accident, however, brought back fresh memories and for a moment she felt the beginning of a panic attack. Closing her eyes, Stella took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

  Max was right here next to her; he hadn’t died. Everything was fine.

  “Stella? Are you all right?”

  She opened her eyes to look at him, immediately relaxing when she met his hazel stare. He had come closer to her, probably because he’d thought she might faint. The worry in his eyes was evident even in the dimly lit parking lot. But there was something else – he knew why his words had upset her. Lisa must have told him about the accident that had also killed her own father.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I ... forgot.” Fortunately, there was no pity in his eyes; just genuine concern. Stella was glad he’d forgotten that he knew how she’d lost half her family. She didn’t want him to think about that every time he looked at her.

  “It’s fine, Max. I’m fine.” She brushed past him towards the only car left in the lot – it was a silver BMW 125i.

  “Are you sure? We can walk – it’s a warm night. I can walk you home and grab a cab back here ...”

  “Max,” she said, turning to face him, feeling irritated that she’d shown so much vulnerability that now he was concerned about her. “I’m not making you walk across town after work just because I freaked out about you being in an accident. I’m fine. Let’s go.” She made an impatient gesture towards the car and after throwing one last suspicious glance at her, Max unlocked the doors and they got in.

  He was a great driver. The car purred under his feet and he drove smoothly. Despite feeling nervous, Stella couldn’t help but admire the way he handled the BMW, not once jerking to a sudden stop or grinding the clutch. What surprised her was that she found it quite sexy the way he changed gear and handled the steering wheel. She had never, ever, fou
nd driving a car sexy before.

  “You’re staring at me, babe,” he said with a devilish grin. Stella blushed and was glad for the darkness of the night. “What is it? You don’t think I’ll drive you home safely?”

  She did trust him, although she didn’t know why. Trusting someone who drove a car was not something she thought she’d ever do.

  “You just admitted being in an accident. I wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing.”

  “It wasn’t my fault. The stupid fuck had been drinking and cut a red light, slamming into us. There was nothing I could do. Thankfully, the car took all the damage and we got out without a scratch.”

  “We?” Stella felt her pulse quicken once again. This sounded so much like déjà vu; the driver who had killed her family had cut a red light and been drunk. And Max hadn’t been alone.

  “Yeah, me and Lisa.”

  No, no, no, no!

  “I thought she’d told you ...”

  Stella couldn’t speak, because her throat had completely closed off, so she just shook her head. Lisa had been in a car accident recently. What was wrong with this world? Did everyone she loved have to be killed in a car crash? That was her worst fear coming to life. Just when she thought she’d managed to overcome it.

  The car slowed down and pulled to a stop. Stella tried to push her anxiety down and, looking out of the window, realised they weren’t in front of Lisa’s house yet.

  “Why are you stopping?” she asked Max, turning to face him. He had that look again – worry mixed with regret. He didn’t say anything, just unbuckled his seat belt and brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb.

  Stella hadn’t even realised she was crying.

  Perfect. Can this get any more embarrassing?

  He didn’t ask if she was fine, because obviously she wasn’t. There was no point any more in denying how she felt. But still, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him exactly how she felt right now.

  They stayed in silence for a few moments before Max spoke.

  “When my dad died, I went off the rails, big time. I drank and partied every night, slept with every girl that showed a remote interest in me. I wasn’t interested in anything or anybody. My mum was grieving in her own way, burying herself in work, and was rarely home. Gia was busy trying to graduate with good grades and applying for colleges. I felt everyone had deserted me. I started getting into fights and causing trouble everywhere I showed up.

  “It lasted more than two years. I was a mess and didn’t see any way out. Until one night I got into a fight, and the guy I beat up ended up in a coma for a week. He barely survived. No charges were raised against me, because I had run off and left him for dead. He’d had drugs on him and had been stoned out of his mind when the ambulance came. He didn’t even remember who’d put him in hospital.

  “I’d almost killed someone, and I didn’t even remember why. That was the wake-up call I needed to try and sort myself out. It was either that or end up in prison, or worse. I needed to deal with my father’s death. Accept it and move on. So I quit drinking and partying and found a support group for young people who’d lost their parents. I figured I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own. That’s where I met Lisa, and her friendship has been a vital part of my recovery.”

  The whole time he’d been talking he’d looked straight ahead through the windscreen. Stella couldn’t see his eyes, but she imagined they were full of emotion. She also thought that he didn’t tell this story to just anyone. He’d done it to pave the way for her to share her own feelings with him.

  She reached over the gear shift and took his right hand in hers. Max turned his head towards her and he seemed surprised. He hadn’t known how she’d react to his past and the fact that he’d almost killed someone for no reason.

  “You should be proud of yourself, Max. Despite everything, you managed to dig yourself out of that hole. Not many people can say that. It’s so much easier to let go and fall even further down.” She squeezed his hand to reassure him that she meant what she said. He nodded and Stella knew it was her turn to speak.

  “I ... I’m scared of cars. But I can’t spend my life being afraid of this or that. So I climb in the car when I have to, grit my teeth and endure the ride. I’ve become so good at suppressing my fear that people don’t even notice how uncomfortable I am anymore. What I can never imagine doing is driving a car myself. Although I can guarantee that I’ll never drink and drive or be reckless behind the wheel, I can never guarantee that I won’t crash into someone through no fault of my own and change someone’s life just like ...”

  Stella paused and gulped back her tears. Five years had passed and still talking about her father’s and brother’s deaths wasn’t getting any easier. Max squeezed her hand in turn and when she looked at him, his eyes were urging her to go on.

  “My life changed in a heartbeat. Just like that” – she snapped her fingers – “everything was taken away from me. My dad and Eric were dead; my cousin and best friend, the only person who knew exactly how I felt, was moving to another country; my aunt didn’t even want to keep in touch. My greatest fear to this day is that people I care about will be torn away from my life and I won’t be able to do anything about it. I realise that’s what most people are afraid of, but I know how it feels at first hand and I never want to go through it again.

  “I fight that fear every single day, because I don’t want to spend my life not actually living it, but being afraid of it. I don’t want to detach myself from the people I care about just because I’m afraid of losing them.” She paused and deliberated in her head whether she should say what came next or not. “I don’t want not to be able to fall in love because I’m scared that my heart will be broken one way or another.”

  Her eyes never left his as she said those last words.

  *

  Getting Stella to open up to him felt like an incredible achievement. She always seemed reserved, even after he’d admitted how he felt about her.

  I don’t want not to be able to fall in love because I’m scared that my heart will be broken one way or another.

  The way she’d said that, looking straight into his eyes, it felt like an admission. And yet, just this morning on the beach, she’d said she didn’t want to use him as a summer fling and hurt Lisa in the process. What was Max supposed to think now?

  The only thing he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss her. He couldn’t remember ever sharing such a moment with someone. Lisa and Beppe were the only people he’d ever talked to about his dad and his feelings. Even Gia didn’t know exactly how hard he’d found it to get over their father’s death.

  But if he kissed her, there would be no going back. He wouldn’t care about any consequences. However, he couldn’t be sure that Stella wouldn’t care either. He wouldn’t be able to take it if he kissed her and then she rejected him.

  In the end his instinct for self-preservation won. He pulled his hand out of hers and repositioned himself back in his seat. He could feel her disappointment as she moved back in her seat as well. He was disappointed, too, but he should give her some space to think. He’d made it perfectly clear that he wanted to be with her, and until she was a hundred per cent sure she wanted that as much as he did, he wasn't going to push her.

  If she rejected him again, he wouldn’t be able to be around her anymore. He’d much rather spend time with her than kiss her now, only to make things awkward tomorrow when her conscience kicked in again.

  Max started the car and they drove in silence the rest of the way. They had shared a lot and both needed some time to process the information.

  Soon, he parked in front of Lisa’s house and killed the engine.

  “I’m glad you came tonight.”

  “Me too.” Stella smiled at him and he mirrored her grin. Her eyes dipped to his lips for a second and Max had to fist his hands to stop himself from grabbing her and pulling her to him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Thanks for the ride.”

  “C
iao, tesoro. A domani.” He could see the effect he had on her as he spoke in Italian and he loved it. The mere thought of her not being able to resist him was a huge turn-on.

  He had a sneaking suspicion that she’d get there sooner or later.

  *

  The light in Lisa’s room was still on, although it was very late. Stella had hoped she’d still be up. Climbing the stairs as quietly as she could, because her aunt must be asleep by now, Stella knocked softly on her cousin’s door.

  “Hey, I was waiting for you,” Lisa said, as she closed the book she was reading. She was dressed in her pyjamas and was lying propped on her elbow on the bed.

  “You didn’t have to. You’ve been at work all day.” Stella sat on the bed next to her cousin and tugged her legs underneath her.

  “I wanted to see you. I feel as if since you’ve arrived all I’ve done is work or worry about work. I want to spend more time with you.”

  “Lis, stop it. I’m OK. Any time you can spend with me is fine.”

  “Listen, tomorrow I’m free during the day, I just have to do the art class in the evening. Let’s do something. We can go to Mum’s spa and get our nails done or get a massage. We can go to the beach ... I don’t know – you decide.”

  “I’d like that – spa and beach.” They both giggled, but soon Stella’s face grew serious.

  “What’s wrong?” Lisa asked. “Did Max hit on you again?” She frowned.

  “No, it’s not that. We had a great time tonight. We’re even going to dinner tomorrow.”

  “Like a date?” Lisa tried to hide her disapproval, but failed. It only cemented Stella’s suspicion that she wouldn’t like them to hook up. Max had done the right thing when he resisted kissing her tonight. If he hadn’t, they would’ve been having a very different conversation right now.

  “No, like friends having a meal together.”

  Stella understood why Lisa didn’t want her to get involved with one of her closest friends, but despite that she felt a bit annoyed. Would it be so bad if she and Max dated while she was here? But she couldn’t afford to think like that just now.